File Size: 793 KB
Print Length: 307 pages
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; 5th Revised ed. edition (May 20, 2014)
Publication Date: May 20, 2014
The problem with this line of thinking, and the following "strategies" it produces, is the fact that no matter how much I punish a child, if he/she is incapable of doing better, the issues we face will persist. It is comparable to punishing a child who needs glasses for not being able to see. A much better solution all around will be to get him/her glasses.
The daughter, in the Riley worldview, would be "punishing me" or "controlling" and "manipulating. " What I saw was a little girl who was so very overwhelmed by various aspects of her environment, that she had no adaptations, no ability to cope. I can't imagine what it must be like to reside in a world the location where the way your plate is turned at dinner, or which direction your clothes are facing, is so overwhelming a proposition that you lose the ability to function and/or think rationally. That's the little woman I was living with. Typically the little girl who could blow up over the most incomprehensible thing, and for whom the majority of life's daily situations and let-downs were just more than she could bear.
Inside the calm between storms, she was (and still is) a delightful woman - funny, bright, loving, and always, always remorseful after an explosion. I knew she knew what she was doing was wrong, and moreover, the lady didn't wish to be doing it at all. A common conversation, post-blow up, engaged my baby girl, red-faced, tear soaked and banging, saying, "Mommy, do you still love me? Even when I lose my marbles? " What amount of punishment was going to solve that? She KNEW what she was doing was wrong, the condition was that she experienced no other strategies for coping with her overwhelming let-downs.
My goal in seeking treatment for her at all in the first place was not about how exactly I could create a phone call or spend time using the pc without her "bothering" me (actual parenting class verbiage there), but how I could relieve my daughter. Basically never talked on the telephone without interruption again, it would be a little price to pay to help soothe my girl - to help her manage the stuff of life.
That's what I feel like I possess gotten in this book - a set of strategies to employ, as part of a complete parenting philosophy. Moreover, it accomplishes these goals without the guiding philosophy of "I'm bigger than you, and I can inflict several different types of pain to get you to comply. "
That's the simplest way I can describe this book: it is like getting glasses, and lastly being able to see the world., I will be honest... my first 2 kids were very easy. So easy, in truth that I was lulled into a false sense of confidence about this parenting thing. I would even have to admit i got a bit smug and yes... it's true... Judge-y. Yep. I would see parents with a child who was screaming and out of control and think something along the lines of " They only need to be regular and place firm limitations and then their little monster will end up docile and compliant like my amazing kids... " So you have probably heard of the fantastic scripture, " Judge not, lest ye be judged. " well... all I can say is that Yikes. God is hearing and God has a sense of humor. Yeah... I'm living that scripture out in a real world way with child #3. Trust me... in my mind I have apologized to every stranger I ever before stood in arrogant thinking of... a million times over. I wish I could write them encouraging notes and tell them I am aware they have probably tried out every trick in the book and also to please know that their horribly socialized child is NOT a mirrored image of them and poor parenting (as I have eaten a lot crow about!!! ). I possess apologized in person to the parents I know in real life for thinking they might have wanted the " magic touch" to control their wild beast. I am now the tired, battle-scarred and infinitely more humble mom to one such wild beast... errrr instead, " explosive child. "
Our daughter's OT advised this book and I am pretty sure I sounded like really enthusiastic parishioner within a great sermon because I discovered myself blurting out there " YES!! " " That's exactly right! " and " Amen!! " a few times... and I suddenly felt understood and human again. But , most importantly, I understood my little explosive child greater and began to learn ways to avoid her going into VAPOR LOCK and being " unreachable" and volatile.
Does she still throw humiliating tantrums without regard to where we are or who might see it? Yes. Am I still mortified in those occasions and begging Lord to spontaneously combust me personally? Yes. Will that ever before change...? I doubt it. lol But we are doing better now that I have a more solid understanding of her psychology and how to work with it.
If you are looking only at that book, perhaps it is because someone in your life (a doctor, OT, Therapist, friend, or fellow parent of an explosive child) has recommended it, so please know I am praying for you! lol I do... I pray for parents everywhere that have a child like this because it is actually the hardest thing I have ever undertaken as a parent!! Make sure you know you are not alone.... and since a reformed judger, I can only say I am so so so sorry. I never knew!!! But I was humbled and wiser now... but still wondering if natural combustion could save me personally from some of the more embarrassing locales of explosions....: -), Very helpful book! I have a 6 year old who has been clinically determined to have Tourettes and Expressive Language Problem. He has a very hard time verbalizing feelings and, in exchange, gets frustrated and explosive. This book has truly helped us communication with him and learn how to avoid situations before they happen., Fantastic resource. I picked upwards the audiobook for my husband. Information is relatable and explained with ease for ease of understanding. I am impressed., Wonderful, life saving... I truly feel all of us would like to be treated with a collaborative approach, very respectful! It is a good practice to live by.
In addition to so encouraging there is hope for children who will be so frustrated they become explosive to cope. It is all in the approach and willingness and patience.
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